Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
