Sponge bath it is.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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