after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
