in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My vagina just clenched in fear
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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