Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
