i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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