Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
