i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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