found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
