that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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