I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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