omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Randomize