Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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