Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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