I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
