he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
