Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
