so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
