A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
