we have officially lost it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
