There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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