Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
