Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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