Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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