What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
