As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
