Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Sacagawea was the original milf.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
