There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
