It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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