The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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