I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize
