I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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