just tell him i said nine months
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
