was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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