We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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