I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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