Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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