you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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