just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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