I just pynch a tree in the face
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
