his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
