Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize