If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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