your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
