SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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