Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
