He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
