You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize