Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
