i can't believe i had my finger in that
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
