Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
