Where did you get a picture of my penis
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
