i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize