4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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