i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
