I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is Oprah even human
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
