God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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