I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
