I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
