K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i now understand why vodka
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
