hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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