I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize