I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
