can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
