Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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