Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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