these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
