they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
