Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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