No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
