i just wanna soil my oats bro
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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