I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize