Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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