I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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