I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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