she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
