id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
