All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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