im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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