so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
