No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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